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Monday, June 27, 2005
One of his followers urged the Buddha to perform a miracle in order to attract some nonbelievers. The Buddha replied:
"I detest and will not undertake the so-called miracles of magic power and divination. I and my followers attract non-believers only by the miracle of truth."
-Digha Nikaya
Posted at Monday, June 27, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Hope u get ur job soon ya? =) Dun worry!
Posted at Monday, June 27, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Its 0036hrs now.
Cant breathe properly.
Cant sleep.
I think I haven't had this problem for years but well, it came back again today for whatever reasons. I remember visiting the doctor when I was young about this problem.. Haha, I think I was paranoid cuz the doctor dismissed it as stress when I thought I was suffering from some disease. Or maybe I am suffering from some serious illness that the doctor thought I'm just stressed up? Beats me.
This reminds me of the visit to Dr Ang's place when she told us not to b afraid of anything even if it means having an unhealthy body. Just accept it and try to "befriend" your illness and you might realise that it is not affecting you. I guess I'm not able to do that as of now because a slight difficulty in breathing had already had the ability to make me lose sleep!
The visit to Dr Ang's place was really wonderful.. She is indeed an inspiring person who shares life experiences with us and offers advice to us. I still remember the part when she told us that there is no right or wrong choice in life because no matter which path you choose, there will always be good and bad things that follows. This allowed me to make up my mind about certain issues hanging in my mind for long.
Alot of sharing from Dr Ang.. really left her house with a calm heart.. and she's really very nice! Even showed us ard her house and said we can hold mc retreat and national day party etc at her place. Hehe!
But anyway, the mc retreat was really nice one. Though the meeting was AS USUAL.. dragged till 2am.. I liked the sharing session too! Though not everyone was eager to voice out their thoughts, I'm sure those who did enjoyed the session. Contrary to david, i think i enjoyed the sharing session.. =)
Accompanied Sohan after visiting Dr Ang to get a videocam.. AiyO! This guy starved us for few hours because we ran ard bargaining for him!!! If YOU r reading this now, u better feel guilty!!!
*yawn* I cant think!! Argh! hehe.. Been switching from topic to topic cuz I cant think well.. But my breathing is not improving.. =(
But ya, talking abt the reflections part, I think i really learnt humility from the friends around me. =) I'm fortunate to have this grp of wonderful friends to learn from and to develop certain qualities which I do not yet possess. =) Thank you to all of you.
U know something about this "Contentment is the Greatest Wealth" issue? Alot of people, including Eugene, identifies me by this msn name.
I jus had a lengthy discuss with a friend who felt I'm not contented enough and that the msn nick is a conflict with my personality. He felt that it is something that I do not want but I feel I should do.
Well, I feel that it is a quality I hope to develop. Haha.. But this is not an intellectual discussion.. but it also inspired me to write on it..
Well, it is true that I do not have this quality because if I do, I would not be aspiring to have this quality. The reason why is because I am still an unenlightened being! =) Maybe to alot of people, being contented means to be content with the current situation. True as it may be, but well, some people may also think that being "contented" means to not strive for the best since we r supposed to be "contented".
Hence I guess for my fren, he felt that if I am contented or I want to be contented, I should not be striving too much.
This reminds me of the experience Dr Ang shared with us yesterday about results. She told us that we sould always live in the present moment and be contented.
I guess she was quick enough to realise that some might have wrong view.. hence, she quickly explained that being contented means to have a goal for yourself but not to be too result oriented because if we want that goal, the first thing to do is to concentrate on the present moment and do your best.
She said that if we had done our best in achieving that goal, if we achieve the desired results or not, we should always bear in mind that if we put in our best effort, there's no one to blame.
She said that that is the true contentment the Buddha is referring to.
Ain't she simply inspiring?
Ok, I know if David is reading this, he may be disagreeing wth me but too bad for u!
Posted at Monday, June 27, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Sunday, June 12, 2005
 Beautiful Garden
 The "umbrella" behind is for our meditation
 Washing bowls after meals
 what are we doing ar? haha
 me and yuhan in the kitchen.. hehe
 grp foto before leaving..
 lena and me!
Posted at Sunday, June 12, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Sunday, May 29, 2005
Hi everyone! I'll be going for a retreat from tomorrow till 10th June. Anyone looking for me urgently can call my home or pigeon so tt they can pass the msg to kee pang; or if u know kee pang, can call him directly. Dun bother to call me cuz i'll not be using my fone. Hee!
*excitement*
Posted at Sunday, May 29, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Friday, May 27, 2005
I think the quality of my blog is deteriorating recently. Not that it was of hig standard, but I seem to be very much overwhelmed by tiredness recently that I could not even think well to even type whatever I wanted to. There were occasions I penned it down in my organiser but I failed to type it out because by the time I wanted to, i felt that that entry is a little outdated already. So sorry to everyone out there if you think i'm not making any sense in my entries. Haha. Just like the entry on SL, i had initially wanted to describe the surroundings and what I did there exactly, but after moving on to that paragraph, I felt too lathargic to continue and hence, just ended with a few short sentences.
Anyway, a lot of friends had been concerned about my tiredness. Haha, I can still remember Vincent's comment about my eyes looking like it is gonna pop out anytime. Haha. okieokie, thanks for everyone's concern but i think after my retreat back from malaysia, whatever that made me feel tired has ended and that will "officially" be the beginning of my REAL summer vacation. Fenny called me the other time to ask how I was; I was both caught with surprise and touched. Haha. No matter what was the cause of my tiredness, I told her that I do not regret my decision in undertaking those tasks a month ago. Even if I should look back, I know I will still choose to have worked for that entire month. At least I learnt alot of things. =) (okie, melody's gonna say i'm confusing her. but the fact is I was not really working all these while kind of helping out smewhere, no salary, only allowance only la.. but i'm still a lil' richer den u.. hahaha)
Today is like rest day for me! Whee! I spent one day slacking at home, chatting and surfing online for good vegetarian websites. Apart from that, I ransacked my cupboard; looking though some letters and cards which I collected over the past 10 years. Haha. It is really sweet memory to read my first letter from a close pri sch fren; to read cards and letters given to me by sec, jc and uni friends and to realise that there are many many more cards I got which looked so nice and yet I do not have any memory of it. It was like a surprise for me! Being able to read it all over again makes me feel totally like I just got the letter. It is this kind of sweetness and nostalgia that makes letter writing my hobby even till now. =) Wow, time really flies when I read Khing Mun's letter. I remembered that she sent me a letter last year informing me about herself gettng married. When I re-read that letter, I realised it was dated June 2004. Wow! My memory of her getting married was like few months back but never did I know one year slipped past just like that!
Anyway, I got a pendant from wc yesterday. Nice one he bought from China. In fact, everytime he comes back from overseas, he will always bring lots of meaningful presents for friends. This time, he bought for me a hp chain version of a mani wheel and a pendant representing compassion according to tibetan tradition. He even gave me and pigeon each a picture of a sayadaw whom we had no chance to meet on monday. Wow, I wonder if it is just me but the sayadaw looked so compassionate. That was the first tot I had when I saw his foto.
Hee, I remember wc telling me that he wanna practise as much generosity as possible to people around him. I tink it is something we all should learn from because it is not easy to be generous all the time. What is more admirable is that the gifts he chooses for friends are always so meaningful and of high standards (erm, the high standard part was what he self-proclaimed yesterday. haha) I think I must be very lucky to have have him as a teacher (and is still my teacher now) and later after leaving pks, I also found a friend in him. =)
Hmm, next week i'll be going for the metta retreat. So friends, if u all r looking for me, dun bother to because I'll be in malaysia from monday till 10th June. It is a retreat I've been looking forward to since january! Hee! =)
So much for it. Hmm, my mum lost 2 pairs of shoes today. One in the morning, another on in the afternoon. She felt so troubled by it and it ended up affecting my brother's mood. I think moods changes r contagious man. I felt so uneasy looking at how troubled my mum was and how unhappy my brother was also. I know it is difficult not to feel lousy when one loses something so I made it a point not to be too forceful when i'm trying to console my mum. But well, I guess my mood was also a little affected because I felt so sian in the morning; pigeon had a really hard time trying to cheer me up but to no avail. Haha. But after meditation and xin jing, I felt so much calmer and began to realise that despite trying to console my mum and realising that my bro ther was affected, i myself was also affected. I guess there were many occasions in which I did not watch my mind carefully and allow emotions to arise without realising it. Something I really need to improve on. (suddenly got reminded of ph's now famous quote abt "its all in the mind" haha)
Watching the mind reminds me of Vipassana meditation. I had always wanna learn it but due to certain conditions, i missed the chance during term time. and the retreat was supposed to be vipassana this time but for some reason or another, it became metta. But well, like what I told wc and pigeon plus lena, I feel I need to do more metta meditation also. Something I feel I still need to improve on; especially whenever I get reminded of Miss Nai- a teacher whom I'll always admire and feel grateful to. =) Oh ya, while ransacking my old stuffs today, i came across a book Ms Nai gave me when I was in sec 2. Till now, the notebook is still as good as new. Haha.. and she gave me a very nice metal bookmark which is also unused till now. Hee, I know pigeon's gonna shake his head, but ya, SO WHAT?! haha. All these are the gifts I got from Dharma Camp attended in sec 2- the camp which made me feel seriously interested in Buddhism. Hee. I even saw some of the notes my Dharma Angel gave me. She was a nice friend but too bad we lost contact after secondary school. hee. Some of the nice memories which will live with me for life. =)
Wanna dwell on to another topic. haha, but I think I better not because my eyes are starting to protest. So much for today! =)
Posted at Friday, May 27, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Alright, met up with the trio yesterday to give yurong her birthday present. Haha. I think she LOVES the present Jas and I chose SPECIALLY for her. =P Hee. Alright, this entry is not gonna be anything to do with Buddhism because Lester is complaining that I'm boring him and yr+jas says i'm gonna be a nun soon if I continue like that. haha! I still remembered I terrified Jas in sec 2 when I came back from Dharma Camp a changed person. Over the years, they seem to get used to me. But recently, they said the syndrome is getting "worse" after I became active in BS again after I join uni. Hahahahhaa! Okie, "worse" is a relative term; so anyone of you who disagrees with them, dun be offended. Anyone who agrees with them, its okie for me too! =)
Okie, no more toking abt BS or lester gonna say i'm not keeping to my promise of dedicating one blog to non-buddhist stuffs. Haha, for the sake of my buddies, I shall dedicate this entry entirely for them!
Once again, yesterday's outing was fun fun and fun! Though we only spent 5 hours together, I think we always enjoy chatting walking around (even if it was aimless). Though we spent an entire 2 hours for dinner, we thought it was time well-spent because of all the catching ups. Alright, I think it might sound lame to catch up when it was just weeks since we last met but we seem to have an endless flow of topics to discuss about! And i'm so happie for yr for her results! Hee! =P As for jas, no matter what decision you make, i'll always be behind you. Though I think choosing the other path might be a better choice, we'll still support your choice. =P As for lester, PLEASE stop being so obsessed with branded goods.. hahaha!
whatever, though I was super tired (les looked super worried when he saw my tired eyes), I really enjoyed myself! and i'm sure they did too! (just too bad i cant stay out till too late with u guys.. hehe)
Posted at Friday, May 27, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Long time since I last updated my blog. Oh my, I had been wanting to update it since last week after Vesak @Orchard but I did not seem to get enough sleep for the past week either. I think vesak@ PKS is busier than the one at Orchard. Reason being, for Orchard, we had Beng Wee and Fenny to coordinate but not the one in PKS and the volunteers we have r really less than expected. By the second day, almost all of us looked like we haven't slept for days. As for myself, being someone who needs at least 8 hours of sleep, I looked like a zombie the next day. Even Sabz looked terrified to see me walking ard expressionless. hahahaha! I guess i looked extra tired because its the time of the month again.
Whatever, this Vesak is interesting in a sense but not interesting if I would see it as Vesak. It is indeed my first time organising an event for people on Vesak and my first time staying overnight in PKS. It is really nice to see friends I have not met for years also visiting PKS. It was a little like an impromptu reunion. haha. But well, my favourite time this Vesak (which also made me feel like a REAL Vesak Day) was yesterday at SL.
Initially I was a little reluctant to go SL cuz I felt so tired after the tiring Vesak. But well, I decided to go because I have not went there for a long time and that I really wanna meditate in a very quite temple.
It was really nice to go SL anyway. The moment you enter the temple is this serene feeling it gives you. I'm always attracted to simple temples. SL is so beautiful in its own sense. =) It was a nice day alternating between walking and sitting meditation plus walking around the temple. We were also exploring the Bodhi tree, thinking and arguing over how it reproduces cuz we cannot even spot a single flower. Haha. =) It was really a nice day. Wanna talk more about it but well, the kind of feeling is not those I can put into words. The best day of the 3 days (spent for Vesak). The ideal Vesak. =)
Thanks to you for accomodating my busy schedule and spending a tiring Vesak with me. Haha.. Thanks to everyone who helped out. =) Thanks also to Wei Cheng who offered me 4 capsules of his EXPENSIVE Lingzhi. hee. =)
Posted at Wednesday, May 25, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Monday, May 16, 2005
YM is so quiet today. I think everyone's tired out by the weeks' preparation so much so that we all need a rest. So right now, only kah wing and myself is in office. Well, the other gu niangs (as professed by qisen) r still in bed. =)
My list of things to do this holidays is really very very long. Picked up a book, Old Path White Clouds, last week at work area when pigeon and I were browsing the library. Woo, now i'm addicted to that book. It is simply interesting. =) I still have Abhidharma, Going to pieces without falling apart and chronicles to cover. Interesting! =) I hope I can finish all before holidays end!
Vesak@Orchard seems like a fun event. Ya, just fun. full stop. =) I enjoyed Ghandara more than Vesak@Orchard! I think I felt so honoured when the Pakistani archeologist came to give the one and only tour. I happened to be there so I felt so lucky to hear from a scholar. Not that we guides r lousy in leading the tour (eh-hem.. haha), but I think listening from him is a lot better than us bringing the people around. Too bad, he gave only one single tour. =)
Yesterday was the most tiring day because I travelled to Orchard in the morning, left in the afternoon again to Bedok and went back to Orchard again to help out. I thiknk my 2 hours spent in Bedok with pigeon and Sjoerd was the most interesting! Though I just knew sjoerd yesterday, I'm happy that he joined us for our lesson at bedok. He is one interesting guy and well, he shared alot of things which he felt was different between singapore and holland (ambulance theory.. haha).
When we reached there, I felt a little discouraged. Because the long journey of walking, coupled with my tired body, made it difficult for me to concentrate with the lesson. I admit I was a little rude when I almost fell asleep when Bhante was explaining the Dhammapada verses. The weather was hot, and I was sleepy. I felt so bad. Lucky there was a 10 min interval and I managed to regain my "vitality" (haha) after that due to the savoury durian agar-agar passed around.
The second half was more interesting because the explaination came with stories. By the second half of the lesson, Bhante seemed to realise Sjoerd and I were quiet, hence he started to ask why we are so quiet. I felt embarassed. haha, not because of his question but because I felt that I should not be so silent in a Dharma lesson (esp when my goal there was to learn from Bhante). What made me blush even more was when Bhante smiled to me. He's so full of compassion when he smiled, so sprightly(i wonder if this is right but i really felt so) when he cracked jokes. =)
I think it was generally a fun day. Shall upload the pics soon! But I enjoyed my day most when I recalled I learnt so much from Bhante and my debate session @ istana park with pigeon till 11pm yesterday night. Very VERY tired. Looking forward to the next lesson. =) Oh ya, buying that thick thick book from awareness place soon.. but that is when I've saved enough money.. I think it costs $69..
Posted at Monday, May 16, 2005 by juxtifyed
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
The grass on the other side is NOT always greener
Today, this thought came to me. Not that this is the first time this came to my mind, just that I happen to blog today and that this thought happen to come to me.. hence this subject.
Many a time, we always lament our current situation and sees others' situation as more "perfect" than ours. Well, I would not deny that I have this kind of mentality at times but well, I think it always takes a lot more mindfulness or thinking to truly understand that others' situation may not be really as rosy as we thhink so.
I have a friend who had a boyfriend for many years, many people see them as a perfect couple, thinking that they will be married for sure, thinking that there can never be any obstacles in their lives.. But guess what? They broke off after being together for 4 years. yup, 4 years. To many, it is not believeable because friends around her went through many relationships while her love survivied through 4 long years.
Great?
She begs to differ. true that it is best if we can look at a situation from a 3rd person's pont of view.. But this does not hold all the time. Many people do not know that this supposed "perfect" couple does have their own share of problems. and leaving him seems to be less problematic for both. Maybe to her.. but not to him? He seems to understand the root of the problem now but when the love is gone, it is gone. When things happpen, it happens. Even if it is difficult to let go, we need to.
Easier said than done. Haha.
Love is wierd, it makes people behave wierdly too. 4 years for her was nice and she learnt alot but the fact still holds. No matter what, she truly wishes him to be well and happie always. Nothing more than that. =)
Well, this is just one of the many examples in life which we can bring out. How about when you try to imagine how nice other people's parents are when you get scolded? Well, like resuta kun commented, haha, i'm always coming up with funny funny logics in my blog. =P
Well, just that many things happened to people around me(and myself maybe) recently. For good or for bad, the things happen mainly because we all think some changes in life can be made because we think we r in a not-as-good position and that that change is good.
Well, the grass on the other side is NOT always greener
So much about my blabbering about the subject. haha, how about talking about holidays? I wonder how the week had been for everyone but well, I feel disoriented. haha. Not that working in pks makes me feel disoriented, but when I spend only a fraction of my time at home, I feel so distant from my family. (cuz everyday when i leave home, they r out, when i'm back, they r asleep..boo)
I miss my family so much, I gave my parents a BIG hug before dinner today(i haven't had dinner with them for a week) and my dad told me that he felt so happie to see me at the dinner table again. Haha, okie, maybe my family is wierd but we always reach home before dinner time to dine together. =P Ya, I feel so bad for being so busy with work because whn I got home few days back, my mum was sleeping on my bed waitin for me to get home. *sob* But okie, I feel so happie to have dinner with them todaY!
Working in pks is fun! =) Get to learn a lot of things, the other interns there r soooo cute! Esp Thian Thian and Ka Wing. hahahahaha.. I just cannot stop giggling with them around. Shifu was very nice to us too! =) Always giving us sound advice about life and always so full of laughter.. =) _/|\_ oh ya, and the BEST of all, is that the food in pks is GREAT!
Big rock in my heart. Dun ask me what, dun ask me why. Haha. just feel like expressing it into words but this feeling is simply inexplainable.
My daily practice is also not very constant for the past week. Gotta thank pigeon for supporting me with the daily practice despite myself being so exhausted. I hope to regain the mental "vitality" like I used to and extend our meditation time.
I hope to finish watching Gundam SEED with pigeon soon (YAYIE!!!). and finish that jigsaw which is supposed to be our june "project", movie marathon, meet up with jie meiz(lester inclusive.. hahahaha.. dun kill me!), pool showdown with ph, go siling's house to play, finish all my projects at hand, mc retreat(!!!), meditation retreat(I CANT WAIT FOR THIS!) and most importantly, maximise time with my family.
I've devoted enough time to nus, now it is time for the people dear to me.
Posted at Tuesday, May 10, 2005 by juxtifyed
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"We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved." 
